Recently I was cruising the blogosphere and stumbled across a post at Essence.com, Rejection: Why Being Dumped Hurts So Bad. Well I thought that an interesting subject to include in the Breakup To Makeup series. After all, we are examining the process of getting on with it. So why is it so difficult to do? Well the obvious answer is that we love, love. Even when we resist, once the bug bites, we’re hooked. But Essence took a different take on it.
According to the research in the article, our brains process intense emotional pain much in the same way that it processes physical pain. Their examples of physical pain: stubbing your toe or burning your hand. What a breakup feels like: being run over by a Mack truck! No comparison. Sure I get what the article is saying. And I’m no psychologist. But the reaction is obvious. When we stub our toe, we hop on one foot, say *@#!, and our body naturally concentrates all efforts on healing. With a broken heart it’s not so simple.
For one thing we love the feeling we had before the heartbreak and so we analyze ourselves sick. We rewind the relationship, replay key scenes and dally in shoulda-woulda-coulda. That doesn’t allow place for healing. It depletes energy and keeps you from focusing on what’s important-healing! Herein lies the danger of seeking comfort/love in all the wrong places:
- The covers. Not wanting to get out of bed and excessive lounging in worn-out sweat pants.
- All you can eat buffets.
- Rebounds, that often prove toxic.
- Worse (dark corners,back alleys and medicine cabinets, I think you get the idea)
Instead try focusing on something other than the humiliation and pain you feel.
- Give. Volunteering or helping others is a sure way to take your mind off of the pain.
- Make new friends. If all your friends still reside in coupledom, expand your circle. If you have friends that are stalking their ex-find a new circle.
- Do something different. All those things you wanted to do but couldn’t because you were in a relationship-now’s the time.
- Never underestimate the power of a new look. It’s a mood booster. And it gives people something else to approach you about other than your relationship status.
Above, Model Selina Khan shows how Rose-Gold can add a subtle shimmer and glam to your eyes, cheeks and lips. Also try adding a gold shimmer to your decolletage for that something extra!
Starting over is never easy, but it’s always worth it!
Model: Selina Khan, Allure. Photo: Greg Kadel